Premature ejaculation
What is premature ejaculation
Premature ejaculation, or PE is hard to define. PE is when you come quicker than you had wished for, some people within a few minutes of intercourse, some even before. It can leave you and your partner feeling frustrated, making you feel anxious and that certainly doesn’t help the situation.
How long should sex last?
5 minutes? 10 minutes? 10 hours?? Basically it's PE if you are coming sooner than you intend to. There are no rules as to how long sex should last. There are no rules to sex!
But if you feel you are coming before you want to and don’t feel you have any control over it and this is causing you anxiety or stress, then perhaps you are affected by PE.
What causes it?
Men with PE don’t recognise the “point of inevitability” (or point of no return). This is the sensation that occurs just before you reach orgasm, this can occur at any point, but with experience a man can learn to recognise this sensation and either stop or change stimulation until that sensation passes and he can continue.
This is rarely caused by physiological reasons but can be the side effect of a urinary tract or prostate infection.
Some men might think it is quite normal to come soon after penile stimulation and it’s not until they are with someone else do they feel that it is too quick. Remember there is no set time for “perfect lovemaking”, it is only a problem if it is causing you concern.
What can be done to help?
Psychosexual therapists would recommend several “homework” techniques. The most common is masturbating alone, and trying to recognise the “point of inevitability” and stopping or changing stimulation until the sensation passes. Doing this 2 or 3 times and then letting yourself come at the fourth time. You can learn to recognise this sensation and alter what you are doing in order to continue longer.
There are some other things you can do, obviously you are using condoms because you don’t want to get an STI or have an unwanted pregnancy (see sexual health and Condoms section), you could try using an extra strong condom, which is a slighter thicker condom, that could dull down the sensation.
Some situations can be really exciting and stimulating and anyone can have this happen to them.
Remember its only a problem if YOU feel it’s a problem.
Who can help?
This is by no means an exhaustive list, and if you are concerned, visit your local GUM (sexual health) Clinic and speak to an adviser, they have contacts with a psychosexual therapist and can make you a referral (“talk to the Sexperts”)
