Bereavement
The death of a close friend or relative can have a huge impact on your life, particularly if it was sudden and unexpected through a car accident or suicide. It can create a range of feelings and emotions, the most common ones are:
Shock
This is particularly common in the days and weeks immediately after a death
Numbness
A feeling that what has happened is unreal or dreamlike. It may prevent you from showing your emotion such as crying, but this is a form of emotional protection to help you get through the practicalities like the funeral and will wear off.
Disbelief
For some people it can take time for the death to “sink in”, they know the person is dead but find it hard to believe.
Searching
As the loss starts to sink in people search for their loved one, they may think they see them in the street, call out their name, talk to their photos.
Anguish and pining
Eventually people feel terribly sad and start to pine for their loved ones.
Physical effects
These include loss of appetite, feeling sick, diahorrea. Restlessness, sleeplessness and fatigue are common. Some people have memory loss and find it difficult to concentrate.
Anger, guilt, despair and fear
Are also common emotions.
Ask for help
Some people might need extra help during their bereavement, contact your GP for help if you continue to be affected by the following:
- Continue to feel numb and empty some months after the death
- Cannot sleep or suffer nightmares
- Feel you cannot handle intense feelings or physical sensations such as exhaustion, confusion, anxiety, panic or chronic tension
- Feel overwhelmed by the thoughts and feelings brought about by a loved one’s death e.g. guilt, anger, rejection
- Have no one to share your grief with and feel the need to do this
- Keeping active all the time to avoid having to feel
- Drinking too much and taking drugs
- Worrying and thinking about suicide yourself
- Feel afraid that those around you are vulnerable and not coping
Coping
Everyone deals with grief in their own way, but it may help you to cope if you:
- Try and get back to your normal routine and activities such as working, sports, listening to music, seeing friends
- Eat well, exercise and get enough sleep.
- Try not to shut people out. Tell them what you want, whether or not you want to talk about it. Have time out for yourself but try not to spend too much time alone.
- Prepare for any birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas that will bring back strong memories of the loved one. Surround yourself with supportive people and try and celebrate the “good times” you had.
There is no time limit to grieving and it can be a long process. Eventually the pain will start to ease and you will realise that life does go on and you can start to rebuild your life. You never get over someone’s death, you learn to live with it.
